either everyone is making things very complicated, or i'm more than just a little immature.

i am, unfortunately, inclined to think it's the latter.

when you're presented with a dilemma that really doesn't concern you at all, do you back off or do you do what you can to help.

what if you know more than anyone else? what if you can see the train heading for an unfinished bridge, crashing and destroying all the passengers, leaving scars that just won't heal?

and what the hell is supposed to happen when the tracks change, and the train starts hurtling towards another train, faster than fast?

cause that's the thing. you get problems when the setbacks pop up faster than you can find the solutions. you think you've got it, the lines and the routes all set out. then a screw comes loose, and you derail.

so when you see all this potentiality, do you sit back and let it unfold. let it be someone else's problem cause you just don't give a shit. or do you take hold and do the best you can to make the situation work.

it's not my problem. i shouldn't be concerned.
and yet you find yourself caught in between, unable to go one way or the other because there's a freaking train coming from either side.

when it comes to your life, you make your own decisions. don't let others make them for you. and you sure as hell don't make them for others.

you're the engineer. you build the tracks. you take the responsibility when something goes wrong.

it's just that sometimes, you're gonna get casualties.

i had so much to say. i guess monologuing does work.

time is the most important thing you can give a person. that really sank in after sunday's sermon. i've got time. dont really know who to spend it with. i need someone next to me, talking. how long has it been since i had such a conversation? not since school started for the year. meh. sadness.

if Jon wasnt coming in less than a week, i wouldnt know what to do.

SO MUCH TO SAY!

the meh symbol: ._.

church camp. I NEED.

._.

i've found someone who shares my love of socks.

of all people, it's james. the weird dude i work with who sometimes really warrants slaps.

he had a really awesome pair of socks yesterday, which he proudly showed off to me. which made me really jealous. i gotta find a pair like that.

they're red.

yup. not just any red. they're REALLY REALLY red. and when i say this, i do not exaggerate. they're so red that when he showed me, my eyes began to water.

I'M SERIOUS. they're red to the point where it glows and it kills your eyes. they start hurting. it's like looking at the sun. only the sun is red. it's... radioactive.

no joke.

damn, i want a pair like that.

em·pa·thy

Direct identification with, understanding of, and vicarious experience of another person's situation, feelings, and motives.

understanding and entering into another's feelings.

empathy. for some reason, i've got a lot of that, unapparent as it seems. like the time my neighbour died, i didnt really feel sad about the tragedy itself, i was too busy thinking all sorts of thoughts like "what's her 3 kids gonna do?" and deciphering their thoughts and emotions.. and occasionally some big situation comes up and i get dragged into it, there's this whole surge of emotions that suddenly come over me and all in that moment, i share the emotions of whoever may be feeling it, no matter how distant he/she is and no matter whether i actually know the guy or not.

i'm currently alone at home. on a normal day, it would be perfect. but not today. my dad and bro's taking my mum to the hospital. all of a sudden i'm clouded by worry and to be honest, i'm a bit scared. i know that God's watching over all of us and He has everything in control, but i just need some reassurance.

fearful tears are running down

i've come to a realization. and this is a truly profound one.

well, profound-ish.

and, as is always the case, it occured to me when i was totally stoning. not on pot, just... my natural state of stonenness.

so here's the profound realization... wait for it, wait for it............

i am not self-motivated.

yeah, ok, so it'd take an idiot to miss that one. there's more to it though. the most amazing part is that i realize that it is possible to motivate me.

not only that, i figured out how i can be motivated. i'm not sure if i can put it into words. i'll try.


no, hungry jacks is not the answer, although it may help.

motivation is probably not the most accurate word for this... but... if someone does their work, i'll do mine too. i know you know this is pretty much NEVER true of me [i don't usually even do work in class time, which is when there's LOTS of people doing work along with me]. oh i know. i get it now. let's start again.

i only do work if i don't have to. i mean, sure, i HAVE to do my work cause i HAVE to hand it in. but if you keep telling me to do it, i just won't. so when i do work, it's... borderline voluntary. if i have to do work, then at least let it be up to me to decide when and how i do it [not always the best decision, i grant you].

so when other people do their work, i do mine too. i'm not talking about those that do it in pure hatred and resentment, whinging every step of the way. nor am i talking about the people who do it cause they actually like it [cause that's just unfair]. i'm talking about the people who do it, just because.

that's not a strong point, because i can't put it properly.

basically, it makes me feel slightly shitty about being such a bum. which is not what motivates me, cause i'm used to that feeling. it's what i get after i see that person working. it's the feeling of i-should-just-do-it-ey that gets me moving. and when i get that feeling. i actually don't mind doing the work.

amazing, isn't it?

i want to talk till daybreak.
i want to go handreel fishing again.
i want to stargaze all night long in the dark and quiet.
i want to go to rottnest again and race on a tandem.
i want to talk.talk.talk uninterrupted and hope someone will listen.

meh. i'm not done yet.

kim says my oddity is penguins. i'm gonna be a kid and go out shopping for a little penguin soft toy. hopefully with fluffable fluff. and i'll kiss it goodnight before i sleep every night and yell at it when i need to and give it a nice pat from time to time (:

exactly how old am i?? i dont care. i'm shopping for one. maybe i'll buy a fish too. just to plant on top of the penguin.

cuppycakeeeee.

picture a:

picture b:

i can never decide which is better. have no idea why. i need lots of second opinions.

i was uber tired last night but for the wierdest reason, i kept tossing and turning. DIDNT HAVE A GOOD NIGHT'S SLEEP. i'm gonna find out who's the person responsible for it. (in a really concerned more than negative way, so please feel free to TELL ME so i dont have this nagging sensation on my mind.)


thats whats gonna get me through the week.

STATEMENT: Sarah-Ann Lee is gonna mug her brains out for her end-of-unit science test. too bad that doesnt burn calories or anything of that sort.

i wanna watch march of the penguins again.

my bandwith is so screwed up it's not funny.

no, i'm serious.

every time i feel like blogging on two guys, the page screws up. and by the time i get it to work properly, i've forgotten what i wanted to say.

"fart people don't smart" by finathan the genius.

i'm sleepy.


i swear it was not photoshopped.

My heavenly Father watches over me.

on our way to dinner at cham's restaurant on friday we almost got involved in a car accident. some guy was really close to hitting our car, gave us all a scare. fortunately, we were untouched. my parents and my bro then proceeded to scold the guy using colourful language of all sorts of variety, shapes and sizes. my grandma as usual didnt say anything. neither did i. was too busy thanking God.

i believe everything happens for a reason. because i'm a Christian, i believe God allows everything that happens to take place for His purpose. this 'near-accident' [couldnt think of a better word, pardon me] to me, is a demonstration of how He watches over our family. of course, He does it in more discreet ways on a day-to-day basis, you cant expect to be saved from a car crash everyday. but this was all planned beforehand. if we were a second early or late, i cant guarantee we'd all be safe and sound. and He puts this kind of situations in our way to see how we'd react. curse the guy, wish him dead? i dont know. it serves as a prompt reminder to us that, hey, God is answering our prayers and watching over us. and that's a wonderful feeling.

saturday was another interesting day. as the hall emptied out after worship practise and i sat there alone with my bible open on my lap with leon jamming to anything and everything, there was this whole surreal air around me. its hard to describe, but its the feeling you get only when you feel God's presence around. its a wonderful, indescribable feeling. even during worship, that feeling grew. i found myself feeling humbled and compressed by this overpowering presence. i had this anxiety and nervousness inside me that wasnt from me. being in His presence just made me feel so, so small and just stripped me of everything i had. it was just my God and i.

even now i quake slightly just thinking about it. the experience is still fresh in my mind. it makes me wonder, how many people actually feel His divine presence in our midst each week? at least one of us must. or do we just walk in and out of the place without actually realising that God is here with us? i know i'm guilty of that.

church camp! 4am mornings coming my way in 10 weeks.

i can feel this is gonna be a mediocre week. or maybe not. get-back-to-routine week. and be organized, so you're not scrambling on sunday night to complete all assignments due the next day. believe it or not, i will work this week. just watch me. gonna get all the stinkin assignments outta my way by next monday, 15th may. see how determined i am (now)!!!

that hazelnut roll was good. mmm.....

penguins aren't meant to be yelled at. sorry for last night.

to love You, take my world apart
to need You, i am on my knees

MY FIRST DAY AT SCHOOL!

several things happened on this inevitable day that happens 4 times a year, including some miracles, such as..

for starters, i didnt wake up late. I WAS ORGANIZED. but that only lasts a day, anyway.

seeing people i havent seen for close to 3 weeks was quite a scare. for a lot of them, their hair was unkempt and long and scruffy and they obviously havent bothered snipping it. for kim, even though her hair was tied back and didnt suggest anything about being scruffy, i still got a shock. like, the effect you get from being stungunned. cept i wasnt stungunned. it was just pretty nasty. but my brain adjusted, so i was fine after that.

we had to deal with a fairly sentimental S&E teacher. during the ANZAC service (way belated, i know), Mr Levitske got a bit emotional and well. yea, voice quaked. good thing there were no insensitive idiots in our class, or at least, their idiocy didnt play up.

english was just terrible. she expects to us to tell her how girls should dress to seduce guys. and when we dont, she says its "dreadful". educate us, why dont you? sure you know lots about it.

science today felt like the good 'ol science days last year where we practically did nothing but dwindle here and there, diary-graffiti, talk a lot, and laugh a considerable amount. cept today was slighly more coordinated, kim and i used the same pen for the same purpose for writing lyrics for the same song, with the title "Pressing On" printed at the exact same location. i really have to work on controlling my laughter, everytime i see her face i just burst out in what seems like an epileptic fit. thank goodness i have some sorta mental control. or will. or whatever you wanna call it.

there was a prawn tail on the bench at lunch.

maths was just terrible. i was trying so hard not to sleep, which was almost impossible, cause my eyes were just giving me hell and my brain was trying not to shut down. and i couldnt take a power nap cause Mr White was going on and on and on for what seemed to be eternity and i wasnt gonna get my butt fried. ugh.

wanna know something? i brought back my science books. to supposedly study. i've gotta buck up eh, i'm not gonna screw up my 6s just for some sloppy work. ayeaye. WORK SARAH!!!

pressing on has got to be the best song. we're gonna get so pro at it that at the end of year 12, we'll perform all the corridor songs to raise money for trips to antarctica and whatnot to take photos of aurora borealis and polar bears and PENGUINS =) no such thing.. lean on me.. keep it free guys.

Do it later - the early worm is for birds. [Demotivators]

nice day for a big warm hug. penguin...

right on with term 2 theme song.

pressing on relient k
i think we're going somewhere
we're on to something good here
out of mind, out of state
trying to keep my head on straight
i think we're going somewhere
we're on to something good here
there's only one thing left to do
drop all i have and go with You

somewhere back there i left my worries all behind
my problems fell out of the back of my mind
we're going and i'm never knowing, never knowing, where we're going
to go back to where i was would just be wrong
i'm pressing on, pressing on
all my distress is going, going, gone
pressing on, pressing on
and i won't sit back and take this anymore
cause i'm done with that i've got one foot out the door
and to go back to where i was would just be wrong
i'm pressing on

i think we're going somewhere
we're on to something good here
out of mind, out of state
trying to keep my head on straight
i think we're going somewhere
we're on to something good here
adversity, we get around it
searched for joy in You i found it

You look down on me, but you don't look down on me
You smile and laugh, and i feel the love You have for me
I think we're going somewhere
We're on to something good here, and we're gonna make it after all

tips on how to survive term 2 in year 10, RSHS:
1) start self-entertaining.
2) up the rate of diary-graffiti.
3) start graffiti-ing on other's diaries.
4) protect your diary from stupid people who want to highlight the gay/lesbian hotline number found in your diary.
5) start thinking of more creative insults in class.
6) use those insults and inflict damage on mike.
7) up the abuse rates (in the name of self-defence)
8) make more policies and treaties for the better of mankind.
9) start singing in the corridor again.
10) let the thought of church camp spur you on the whole term XD

"it doesnt matter what part you sing, as long as you sing your part."
one of my rare philosophical moments!!

highlights of my hol:

trip to albany:
that was alright. good to be outdoors and be exposed to more of God's wonderful creations. and spend time with the family too, i guess.

march of the penguin:
one kick-ass show. obviously company played a part, esp when the guys were laughing like idiots and nat and i just couldnt fathom why...

friday out with cousins (and a few aunties) and the observatory:
fun getting together, wiping out the supply of MnM crispy mints, seeing the funniest scene of the century (sumgu and the handphone. HAHAHHAA), being shopping consultant.. ;p observatory at night was awesome, the stars were amazing, how jon and i navigated in the dark is also medal-worthy XD. saturn was way cute XD. the darkness was enticing. gotta love it. jupiter and its moons..dont start. i've gotta go back again XD WHEN SOMEONE OUTTA THE FOUR OF US (nat, my bro, jon and i) GETS THEIR LICENSE..if jon gets it before nat, thats just sad...

rotto trip, 240406:
ONE AWESOME TRIP. i dont mind eating outta my camera fund to go back there again. biking was alright, tandem-ing was just fun XD, scenary was well worth the effort. hearing the sounds of nature, i could just hear the song playing in my head. the sound of waves...so peaceful. beautiful. i have to go back there again. jon, my tandem chauffeur, you're coming too XD

all the plans that were made to meet up with mike didnt eventualise. God's will hahaha.

school tmr (: i've moved from freak out mode to BRING IT ON. cause i know my tips are gonna get me through XD i've gotta copy that into my diary man XD

have a great term guys. CHURCH CAMP! 2 and a half more months. i can tahan.....barely.

theme song for term2: PRESSING ON, Relient K