I heard the reverberating footsteps
Synching up to the beating of my heart,
And I was positive that unless I got myself together,
I would watch me fall apart.

And I can't let that happen again
'cause then you'll see my heart
In the saddest state it's ever been.

This is no place to try and live my life.

who i am hates who i've been - relient k

i dont know what i can say that i havent already said.
i have so much inside..that i just cant express.
so let me say it in ways other than words.

my heart..pain. strain. going nuts.
heavy.

i want to ask why, i want to negotiate a deal, i want to have a wish.
if i could have just one trade-off..i know what i want.

4th day without my watch - time flies more quickly than usual.

he was surprised to find her asleep so early.

there were too many candles burning in her room tonight.

through the dim light of the candle he saw a dark patch on her pillow.

his heart broke.

he sat next to her, gently tucking her under the covers.
he whispered a prayer over her as he pushed her hair away from her face.
he watched as she lay like a little girl clutching it as though it was the only security she had in the world.
he kissed her on the forehead, hoping it would take her hurts and pains.

she wished angels like that existed.

upset = up + set
to set is somewhat a notion of stability.
to 'up set' it would be to disturb its state of stability, to throw it into instability.

happiness in chinese = kai xin (open heart)
is opening your heart the key to happiness?

breakdown = ?

i want to sit on a field and just look for my stars.

and when i find them, i just want to stare at them, admire them, see their beauty.

its beauty is plain to see, there is no doubt about it.

i just want to see more, learn more; see another side of its mesmerizing beauty, and be taken away by it.

but then there are those clouds standing in between my stars and i. it is they who stop me from seeing that beauty.

just go away already.

i want to sit on a vast field, and admire my stars.

just let me freeze out there.

loving you whether,
whether times are good or bad
happy or sad

let's, let's stay together

every time my parents come home a bit later than usual, i have all these thoughts popping in my head, paranoia really; about whether they're safe, maybe something's happened to them, all sorts of things like that.

today i cooked dinner. and by 5.3opm they still weren't home yet. made me wonder if they were okay. if i'd have to eat all that dinner by myself.

well, they made it home a few minutes later. but i still had to eat dinner on my own.

i kinda kicked up a row with them today, and for the first time in a long time, i threw a mini-fit at my parents.

this time, i'd like to think i actually had a reason, a right, to do that.

my dinner didnt get eaten in the end. i would throw it away to show a bit of attitude. the only thing that's stopping me from doing that is all the starving children out there.

i dont know if i'm mad, cause it doesnt seem like it. i'm just chucking a tantrum, something i havent done in a long time. i feel spoilt, but what the hell.

all this has made me feel like summarizing the rest of ch3 of econs.

i scrubbed my face really hard just then. now it feels really clean.

that's the last time i'm gonna be cooking dinner.

i dont know what to write.
i feel like i have to. i feel like i want to. give me something to write about.

now whenever two guys walk side by side and see a pigeon, they start 'laughing in their heads' and seconds later, they shoot each other a look, and start to burst out laughing.

and i get dissed cause apparently i'm too small to handle big steps -_-

boys, and their stupid, stupid antics.
makes for a horribly good laugh though.

i hate getting that sore throat every year, which leads to cough prompts, which emerge as cough spasm, which always happen during my holidays and drags on for weeks on end.

still wishing it can be three outta three.

i need more tealights.