i forgot what it feels like to be 'okay'.

'okay' being happy and boppy at the slightest thing, knowing the littlest thing can make you happy, that just lying on your bed doing nothing and feeling nothing but peace can make you feel normal. that you can actually say "dont worry, i'll be okay tmr" and actually know that tmr when you wake up its gonna be a sunny day without any internal conflict.

sometimes i feel like shrugging it off. i want to be okay. and this voice inside my head keeps repeating, i want you to be okay.

i lay on my bed today blasting music and i still didnt feel 'okay' okay.
but i'm okay. a degraded level of okay, that is.

thank God for people who didnt do as well as me. they give me every reason to give thanks. (cept for tze's case, who serves to boost my ego.) thank God for people who did way better than me. they serve as a reminder to tell me that i'm still crap and i have a long, long way to go. and also that i'm not genius and i need to start taking after my brother and really, work my arse off. and most importantly i thank God that i am in a good enough position to help those who need help.

now to my photography task that is long overdue.