i feel like writing a story

i felt harry shudder. the last story i wrote was a version of Little Red Riding Hood [brothers Grimm] whereby her real name was Sarah and she was the spawn of Satan. the wolf was the hero with a Singaporean accent and a low self esteem, and he ended up eating the girl, i think. i dont remember.

anyway... i think i'll do a parody, this time.

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all characters, locations and events are purely fictional and coincidential. they have nothing to do with anything or anyone, so don't think too much, you idiots.

once upon a time, there lived a little girl and her father. the father loved the daughter very much but not enough to stay alive, apparently, because he died shortly after he married a woman with shockingly red hair. she also had a hooked nose and eyes that glowed red, and shall henceforth be known as evil-hooked-nose-stepmother.
the little girl was shattered at the death of her father, and fell into the obsessive compulsive tendency to knit socks incessantly. thus, she became known as Sockasarah. and because she was of a moderately sweet and gentle nature [coughcough], sockasarah agreed to be pushed around by her stepbrother and stepsister - kim and amy, respectively. they forced her to do all the work not only at home, but at the family fish 'n' chips store as well. working at the fish 'n' chips store was particularly torturous to sockasarah as she was not allowed to apetize any of the food. kim, who was especially spiteful, tended to gorge himself on the food while he knew sockasarah would be watching. many a time, sockasarah had to fight back the urge to disembowel her stepbrother, always keeping in the back of her mind that disembowelling him actually meant getting within a half meter radius of his disgustingly flabby torso.
ANYWAY, one day, it rained.
"sockasaraaaaaaaaah" amy yelled from her bedroom. sockasarah was forced to abandon her knitting to attend to the call.
"what?" she asked rudely.
"WHAT DID YOU SAY?" amy shrieked. sockasarah began to regret her rude response. amy was unstoppable once she started shrieking.
"i meant, how may i be of service to you today?" she hastily ammended. "... O' master of shriekers and princess of, err, whingers."
amy stopped shrieking and looked at sockasarah curiously.
"and might i just say, your voice is sounding especially lovely today. the pitch is perfect for uhm... shattering windows - as i see you've just done," sockasarah added for extra measure.
amy glanced at the broken windows and a look of smugness came upon her face. "i do have a wonderfully strong voice, don't i?" she preened. "anyway, we're going to see a concert tonight, and i need you to find me my white Supre halter top and the ripped Levis."
sockasarah stared. "you do know that you have about a zillion white halter tops and ripped jeans, right?" she said stupidly.
amy scoffed, "but i want to wear the Supre and the Levis. they look expensive. besides, the ButterCookies are playing tonight, and you know they have that super hot guitarist."
sockasarah hastily nodded, sensing that any argument would result in more broken windows and possibly the loss of hearing.
on her way to the laundry room, she was summoned by the evil-hooked-nose-stepmother who told her that she had to open and close the fish and chips shop that day. on her own.
"what's the point in opening the store at all?" sockasarah complained. "it's raining. can't i go see the ButterCookies instead? i hear they're giving out free shortbread."
"YOU'LL DO AS YOU'RE TOLD YOU UNGRATEFUL SHITHEAD AND *bleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep*" the evil-hooked-nose-stepmother yelled. she suffered from Tourette's syndrome. sockasarah didn't even blink. ungrateful shithead sounded like 'queen of england' compared to some of the other things she'd been called.
the evil-hooked-nose-stepmother began to regain her composure. "fine. you can go to the BubuChacha concert if you manage to clear all the fish and chips we have in stock."
sockasarah nodded. she was the only one in the whole family who knew that the freezer where the fish was stored was almost empty because no one had given her the money to replenish the stock. getting to the concert was a sure thing.
so the day passed without further drama, except for a little while when kim accidentally choked on some gummi bears and had to be rushed to hospital. that evening, sockasarah closed up the fish 'n' chips store, holding on to a pair of socks that she had just finished knitting. it was a wonderfully warm pair of woollen socks with little designs of her disembowelling kim. she decided that she would give them to the first person she saw on her way home. [this happened to be an elderly Christian lady who took one look at the violent designs and whacked sockasarah on the head with her handbag.]
she got home and started looking for something to wear to the concert. there wasn't much to choose from, since all she had was a gigantic hand-me-down t-shirt from kim which reached down to her shins and a beautiful pale gold ball gown. she decided to go with the t-shirt, since she wasn't the type who wore dresses.
everyone else had already left for the concert, and that was when she realized she did not have a way to get there. she sat at the front door thinking up ideas. she thought about taking one of the cockroaches at her feet and magically turning it into a horse, but she knew that type of thing only happened in disney movies.
suddenly, there was a flash of light and a vision appeared in front of her. this vision came in an almost human shape, although she could see that there was something vaguely unearthly about it. in fact, it was so ugly, she was surprised God had even bothered to create it.
"what are you still doing here?" she asked kim. "and get that flashlight out of my face."
"i just got back from the hospital," kim said. "look, they even gave me a flashlight!"
"the hospital gave you a flashlight?" sockasarah said. "does it morph into a car?" she asked hopefully.
kim studied the gadget for a couple of minutes. "nope," he finally proclaimed. "doesn't seem to."
idiot, thought sockasarah.
"you're trying to get to the concert, right?" kim said. "i'll tell you what. i'll let you borrow my car."
sockasarah jumped at the chance. kim drove a BMW and who the hell cared if she didn't have a license. "why are you being so nice?" she asked, just before she drove off.
"the doctors knocked me out with GA and then gave me happy pills when i woke up," kim said, just before he toppled to the ground and landed on his face.
sockasarah drove with one foot on the pedal and the other on the steering wheel because her hands were preoccupied with knitting a new pair of socks. these were cotton. she felt no need to use the brake pedal.
she arrived at the concert hall where she somehow found her way to the front of the crowd, accidentally spilling amy's drink on her white supre halter top in the process. the ButterCookies' lead singer tossed out a few boxes of free shortbread to the crowd and sockasarah had to kick someone in the ass in order to grab one. but grab one she did, and suddenly she found herself stuffing her face full of butter cookies on stage. the lead singer had dragged her up on stage much to the chagrin of all the other girls. suddenly, he began singing about the girl in a boy's t-shirt eating a box of Danish butter cookies. sockasarah couldn't believe it.
SHE WAS FAMOUS.
she went over to stand next to the guitarist who was jamming away on his electric guitar. he became smitten with this strange girl eating with one hand and knitting socks with the other and proposed on the spot. sockasarah accepted, for no other reason besides the fact that he was an AWESOME guitarist.
"what's your name?" she asked.
"leon"
and they lived happily ever after.

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don't kill me.